The Hidden Trap of Volunteering

Sometimes when we are searching for new friend groups as adults, we are told to consider volunteering as a good way to meet people. And it certainly can be—you will meet people who are interested in serving the same cause you are and will show up to do so.

But although we may believe that only the best, most altruistic people who want to make friends and connect with others will be in these organizations, sometimes we find the opposite is true. There are leaders who are only interested in filling volunteer rosters (it seems), people who are not conversant, groups of young people or families who are volunteering to fulfill a school or community obligation. You can actually show up week after week and sense that while people are happy you are willing to lend a hand, no one actually cares about getting to know you better.

This can be very hard, as oftentimes we feel giving of our time and energy means other people will appreciate us, or at least that we will develop a meaningful bond with our fellow volunteers.

Sis, if you are having these thoughts, it is not bad or wrong. It’s human.

Wanting to connect is a normal, healthy desire.  Quietly wanting people to appreciate our contribution isn’t coming from selfishness, it’s just a bid to connect, to be noticed. In the volunteering scenario, we want to help (of course) but sometimes we quietly want people to also view us as selfless, kind and giving. Often, it’s because we are struggling to believe these things about ourselves.

More importantly, we have not learned to give the same love to ourselves that we are offering others.

It is because are unaware of the constant, unchanging love that is available to us everyday. Not because of what we do, but simply because we are.

If you leave volunteer experiences feeling discouraged or unimportant, it is a flashing red light that you are low on love.  While we are trying to give from a selfless place, we may also need filled up.

If this need for love is not met and we continue to give, an interesting thing may begin to happen. We may subconsciously begin to judge the organization, its methods or the other people involved because we didn’t get the love or appreciation we thought the experience would bring us. If we are honest enough with ourselves to realize this, then we may begin to layer on the shame for judging.

How dare we think of ourselves when we are supposed to be there to help the homeless/the sick/the unfortunate?

The answer is not to quit giving to others, but to begin to see that the need we have is the SAME need of those we are helping. Yes, people need clothes and food and shelter and assistance. But most of all they need love. They need to know they matter.

Just like you do.

What’s amazing about this reality is that you are in a place to acknowledge it. And by acknowledging it, we knock down any ideas that we are better than those we help or any kind of moral superiority. You become more real.

The key to finding that love and appreciation starts with believing powerful, true thoughts about yourself. A belief is just a thought you practice over and over. So let’s start practicing them.

Here are some tremendous thoughts to believe when you feel underappreciated, unimportant or disconnected:

I am a beloved child of God.

God is looking to offer me connection everyday through his creation. The sun on my face, the cool breeze, a beautiful morning were all created as expressions of that love. God is offering me snapshots of beauty everyday in hopes of lifting my spirit and showing me something special.

I am never alone. God’s love and presence surrounds me, is above me, below me and in me.

I am an amazing person with special and powerful gifts, the most powerful of which is appreciation. I appreciate myself. I appreciate the body that takes me where I want to go and enables me to help others. Thank you hands. Thank you feet. Thank you eyes. I love you.

You are an on-purpose person, made to experience life in a full and beautiful way.

You are beautiful.

You are completely worthy of love and are deeply loved.

Peace and joy lives in me and it grows as I give it my attention.

By appreciating others, I give a gift to them and to myself by recognizing the beauty of life.

I am completely whole, lacking nothing. I am able to create any emotion I need through my thoughts and I always have control of my thoughts.

My attention is a powerful magnifier. By focusing on even the smallest, beautiful thing I can make any situation feel amazing. When I appreciate a warm cup of coffee or the special way someone’s eyes wrinkle in the corners when they smile or acknowledge I am trusted enough to have people share their problems with me, I am changing the world.

I am a dynamic, powerful person who can increase the good in the world and the good feelings in myself simply though my deliberate thoughts and attention.

Practice these thoughts often, especially before your volunteer commitment, and these thoughts can change your entire experience.